Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
