She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
