just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
