New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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