i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
