I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
