Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
