we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
