my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize