I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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