birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize