I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I FOUND THE LEGS
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
