he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
