Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
