I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
