i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
