yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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