I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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