I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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