Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
