I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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