Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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