So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
