Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
