i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
