dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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