Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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