i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
