well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
