i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
