help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
