I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
