D3 body, D1 cock
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
