Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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