she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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