I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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