you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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