I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
