YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
