my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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