you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize