I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
