Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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