Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
