Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Randomize
