It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
