omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We left the knife in your bed.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
