Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
