he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We have so much sex to catch up on
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
