Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
