Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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