Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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