That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
