Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
