i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
