she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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