By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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