She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
