C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
How's work?
Spinning.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
