I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
