He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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