just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
