cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
