youre lurking in front of me
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
