thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
