I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
