If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
we should paint friendship bongs
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
