belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
