You can't special order awesome
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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