in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
