I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
