Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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