remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize