How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
