I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Acid is not a monday night drug
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize